


RC #333, Mission #12: Strangled By The Red String

by SkarmorySilver



Series: Protectors of the Plot Continuum: Response Center #333 [17]
Category: Naruto, Protectors of the Plot Continuum, モンスター娘のいる日常 | Monster Musume no Iru Nichijou
Genre: Crossver, Department of Implausible Crossovers, In more ways than one, PPC Mission, Sporking - Freeform, badfic, character replacement
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-17
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-09-21 16:00:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17046611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkarmorySilver/pseuds/SkarmorySilver
Summary: “I've been there, in that same dark and lonely place. But I've found others… Others who accept me for who I am. That's why I will protect them… even if I have to kill you.”— Naruto Uzumaki,NarutoEpisode 80: “The Third Hokage, Forever…” (2004 [Japanese]/2007 [English])In which Cupid and Stephanie’s first date goes monstrously awry.(Co-written with Voyd)





	RC #333, Mission #12: Strangled By The Red String

**Author's Note:**

> \- **Copyright Disclaimer:** The PPC and all related property belong to Jay and Acacia. _Kid Icarus_ (Cupid’s home continuum) belongs to Nintendo. _Monster Musume_ (Stephanie’s home continuum) belongs to Okayado, and the Monster Girl Encyclopedia (which she was based on) was created by Kenkou Cross. _Naruto_ belongs to Masashi Kishimoto. Agent Cupid Carmine belongs to me, and Agent Stephanie Podd belongs to Voyd.  
> The fic being sporked, “[Naruto Life as a Host Family](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10595782/1/Naruto-Life-as-a-Host-Family)”, belongs to [marshalanime](https://www.fanfiction.net/u/4538466/marshalanime), who may kindly keep it.
> 
> \- **Betas:** Mattman the Comet, eatpraylove, and James Shields.
> 
> \- **Rating:** T/PG-13 - While this mission doesn’t contain any sexually explicit content, the _Monster Musume_ continuum does have a number of ecchi elements and scenes which are referenced in both the original fic and the mission itself. Mild reader discretion is advised for both the mission and for _Monster Musume_ as a whole.
> 
> \- **Original Posting Date:** June 9, 2016
> 
> \- [Original Document](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1E5RF3E-itH_-Zt4DBV-tKClW-KtlFkg0CqO3d5I8kN0/edit)  
> 

 

Cover Illustration: “[ Naruto X Monster Musume ](http://jira89.deviantart.com/art/Naruto-X-Monster-Musume-544954868) ” by [ Jira89 ](http://jira89.deviantart.com/)

 

 

 

> “I've been there, in that same dark and lonely place. But I've found others… Others who accept me for who I am. That's why I will protect them… even if I have to kill you.”
> 
> — Naruto Uzumaki, _Naruto_ Episode 80: “The Third Hokage, Forever…” (2004 [Japanese]/2007 [English])

 

**Pre-Mission**

 

A few hours’ drive from Asaka, somewhere in the countryside, finds one at an onsen covered in snow. Yes, snow, at any day of the year. For this is the Sno Ball Hot Spring Resort. And it is here that our story begins.

Sitting in the outdoor rotenburo, a wine glass in his hand, was a young man with many tufts of light brown hair and stunning blue eyes, who was currently attempting to seduce the oddest choice of a bathing partner. The large squirming ball of inky black tentacles next to him was holding up a crude apparatus fashioned from a mop, a yardstick, a pillow, and a magazine cover — quite possibly the least accurate reconstruction of a woman in human history.

This didn’t seem to fool the guy, though, who was sweet-talking his imitation date like a 50’s greaser.

“…But anyway, enough about me. What brings such a lovely lady as you out here tonight?”

The tentacled thing responded by moving its prop up and down, while the youth ‘replied’ in a falsetto tone. “ _Who, me? You’re the lovely one here. Why did you think I came out here just to hang out with you?_ ”

“Just wanted to see such a fine specimen as myself, huh? I can live with that!”

“ _Indeed, you look absolutely gorgeous. No other angel in Skyworld can surpass your divine radiance!_ ”

“Surpass me, eh? They aren’t even fast enough!” He lifted one of his legs out of the water and patted it lightly. “Have you _seen_ these _thighs?_ ”

The tentacled thing tilted its prop slightly forward, and the human imitated his date’s amused giggle.

He held up a glass he was holding in a mock toast, glancing at a rather large cask sitting between them, at the edge of the pool. Both the cask and the glass were filled with vintage Scandinavian ale.

The youth took a swig from the glass, hiccuped, and continued conversing with his mock date.

“So, what’s your sign? Okay, okay, I’m kidding. Whatever it is, it’s definitely compatible with mine, just like everything else about you.”

“ _Even my tentacles, Cupid-kun?_ ”

He sipped his ale again and scooted a little closer to “her”. “When they’re attached to someone as beautiful as you, how could they _not_ work with me?”

“ _Oh, you’re too kind!_ ”

“Hey, I try to be! Oh, and what did you think of my gift?”

“ _I absolutely love it! Now I can paint the walls of my RC without having to worry about getting ink on my shirt! You are a true gentleman, Cupid-kun._ ”

He winked at “her.” “Please, my lovely tentacled princess, let me show you what a true gentleman can do.” He raised his head and puckered his lips, motioning for the tentacled thing to comply.

The moment was ruined when, in an attempt to lower the face of the puppet down to meet him, the tentacled thing ended up whacking him over the head. This happened several more times before he frantically yelled for it to stop, and then withdrew, rubbing his scalp.

The youth stretched his arms and legs, his large feet held up so his toes broke the surface of the water. “Alright then,” he said. “Let’s take it from the to—aa _AAH!_ ”

He pulled his knees to his chest, looking at the middle of the pool. Something had stroked the sole of his bare foot, and he was quite sure it _wasn’t_ his date.

The youth gazed into the water, and his eyes widened. The thing that had touched him was _enormous_ , and it had many more limbs than a normal person would deem comfortable.

Pausing only to pass his drink to the tentacled thing, he scrambled out of the water in a panic, but too late — an enormous tentacle, bright pink this time, erupted from the pool before wrapping around his chest and lifting him clear from the ground. He only had a moment to scream before it dragged him back in and under.

There was silence for a few moments, broken only by the water bubbling. The writhing mass of tentacles sat there in a shocked stupor, dropping the mop-and-yardstick assembly into the water with a splash.

This was followed by a much bigger splash as an enormous tentacled _thing_ broke the surface, its prize wrapped in several of its arms. It opened its maw, and…

“CUPIIIIID! I was wondering when you’d show!”

Cupid shrieked. “ _WAAAAAAAAAH!_ N-NONONO WAIT STEPH I HAVEN’T FINISHED MY REHEARS—MMMMMMPH!!!”

His cry was muffled by the ample chest of the eleven-foot-tall squid-person… which, in accordance with the resort's mixed-bathing policy, currently had nothing but Cupid covering it. It was too much for the poor youth, who went limp in her arms almost as soon as he was allowed to breathe.

Stephanie smiled and gave the disguised angel a peck on the forehead. “I actually got here right before you did. I would have gotten here sooner, but… er…” Her face turned roughly the same tomato-red as her legs.

He didn't respond. The fact that a trickle of drool was starting to dribble from the corner of his mouth may have had something to do with it.

Stephanie lifted the dazed angel to her face. “Cupid? Hello?” She waved one of her tentacles in his face, and when that failed, she sighed and sat in the corner of the pool, with him in her lap. “Cupid? Can you wake up please?”

“Urrgh…”

It was time for drastic measures. Stephanie smiled, planted the suckers of one tentacle on his stomach, and then squeezed.

The reaction was instantaneous. Cupid let out a loud squeak and scrambled away from her, accidentally sitting on the Writhing Mass in the process.

There was a sudden commotion as the two of them began struggling to separate, with partial success. By the time Cupid had managed to calm down, the Mass was now clinging almost jealously to his arm.

“I… uh…  heheh… Hi, Steph! Y-you’re here early…”

“I would have been here sooner, but Chak wanted more absinthe. I'm not going to tell Chakkik no, so I'm just wondering how best to deal with him once he gets back. He's… How do Americans say it…a weepy drunk?”

Cupid chuckled nervously. “Well, perhaps he could ask my partners or something? They certainly know how to deal with my habit of passing out on the sofa after my twentieth bottle of Bleeport. Anyway…” He glanced around, before returning to Stephanie with a less-than-comfortable expression. “Are you _sure_ you’ve paid for this, too? I know about the homestay program and the like, but… I-I’d rather not have to fork over any extra fee for sea monsters in the public bath…” He blushed a little, trying not to look her in the eye.

“Of course I paid! I stopped by my grandad’s before I came here. He’s happy that I’m dating, and he gave me some money!”

Cupid blinked twice. “Well… that answers that, I guess!” he laughed. “So, we’re kinda stacked, right?”

“What does ‘stacked’ mean?” The kraken tilted her head.

“Eh? Oh, y’know, prepared? Ready? Uh…”

“Oh! Okay… stacked stacked stacked! Um, what’s that?” One of her legs pointed at the Writhing Mass, which wiggled a tentacle back at her.

“Oh, that thing? It’s with me. It spawned in my first mission and took a liking to me. That and, well… It may or may not have eaten my Bag of Holding a while ago…”

“Bag of Holding? I’m sorry… English is not my first language… or my second…”

“Oh? Do you speak Greek? Or Japanese?”

She shook her head. “My mother tongue is Norwegian, and I learned Italian for the exchange program.”

Cupid sighed. “Darn it. Guess I’ll have to rely on Rosetta or one of those other language learning programs or something. Oh, well.”

Stephanie shrugged. “I know enough English to make sense of _most_ talking.” She hugged Cupid a bit tighter.

“Works for me,” he replied. “Anyway, yeah, I kinda have to use the Writhing Mass here to hold stuff now. So I hope you don’t mind me bringing a very squirmy backpack along with us tonight.”

“Not at all!” She leaned back against the edge of the pool, humming in delight.

“And you don’t mind if I demonstrated what my new bag can do?”

“ _Nei!_ ”

Cupid raised an eyebrow but didn’t question anything. Instead, he plunged his hand into the Mass, ignoring the tickly movements of its tentacles brushing against him as he sifted through its contents. After a moment’s rummaging, he pulled out what could only be described as the world’s largest paint roller.

“Ta-daaa! A Splat Roller, courtesy of _Splatoon!_ For you, Steph.”

Stephanie’s face bore an expression of mixed confusion and curiosity. “Oooh!”

“You like it? I had to pay quite a bit to get it from the Armory, but hey, it’s meant for squid kids and the like. Of course, it kinda needs a good paint supply to work, but I think we can manage.”

Stephanie hefted the object with a grin on her face. Her hair, skin, and eyes shifted to a shining gold color. “This day is going to be perfect!”

Cupid grinned. “Well, I guess in that case, it’s just you and me—”

The Writhing Mass poked him in the back, making him yelp. “Okay, well, us and my wingman. Or wing-tentacle-monster… thing. Whatever. Just call it a backpack, okay? But other than that, it’s just you and me… and we’ve got a long, fun, tentacle-infested evening ahead of us.”

He leaned in, his lips puckered, but before he could make contact…

_WHOOSH!_

Everyone was bowled over as the world seemed to uproot itself for one brief moment. Cupid in particular went head-over-heels and ended up landing face-up in the water. Stephanie fell face- _down_ on him, with the Writhing Mass ending up on top of it all.

Stephanie straightened up, effortlessly throwing the Mass off her back, her face the picture of concern. “I’m sorry, Cupid! I don’t know what just happened…”

Cupid floated up to the surface, his expression dazed and drooling again. He managed to snap out of it fairly quickly this time, though.

“Where are we?” he asked, looking around. “We’re still not in the resort, are we?”

“ _Nei_ … er, no, the pool is smaller… and there are walls…and a ceiling…”

Cupid stared first at his date, then at the walls, then at the ceiling. After cycling through this again two more times with increasing speed, it dawned upon him.

“Oh, _skatá._ Steph, we have to hide, quick!”

Stephanie’s instinctive response was to wrap around Cupid and shift colors, which made her effectively invisible without her vest. “Cupid, where are we?”

“We’re in… _We’re in…_ ” He looked around yet again, hoping he was just imagining it, but sadly, he was very, very wrong. “… _Kimihito’s bathroom!_ ”

 

> **Hello everyone Marshalanime here, and I'm Proud to announce that I've finally uploaded a fanfiction. Up until this point I had only written fanfiction for personal use never believing them good enough for the public, but no longer! So I hope that you all will enjoy my story and anymore I may write. With that said please enjoy the story.**
> 
> **(marshalanime does not own Naruto or Monster Musume No Iru Nichijou)**

 

Cupid picked up several of the Writhing Mass’ tentacles, and then pressed his face into them to muffle his scream of outrage.

Stephanie’s eyes widened. “ _Nei, nei, nei_ …” She started jabbering fearfully in Norwegian.

Worse yet, the scene shift had scattered all of Cupid’s things everywhere, which included the prop that the Writhing Mass had been using for the rehearsal, the Viking ale, the Splat Roller, and the Writhing Mass itself.

Cupid grimaced. “We have to put everything away, before Kimihito notices! Ugh, of all the things to happen on our first date…”

Stephanie’s face suddenly appeared, bright pink as opposed to her normal bubblegum coloration. “I… my vest is still at the resort…”

With a very annoyed expression on his face, Cupid reeled in the Mass before reaching in and pulling out the RA and dialing in the coordinates.

“Make it quick,” he said. “This is going to be a long, horrible evening. Or morning. Whatever.”

Stephanie ducked into the portal, and reemerged exactly thirteen seconds later clad in her familiar blue vest. “I got your clothes too… You’re still not dressed.”

Cupid shrieked and covered his crotch, snatching his clothes from her at the same time. “ _Poutanas gios,_ thanks for reminding me!” A moment later, though, he glanced up at the Words and muttered, “Though in all honesty, I think my nudity may be the _least_ of our problems here.”

 

********************

 

**Act One**

Soundtrack: _Monster Girl Quest_ OST - [“Ilias Village”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQcHHyx_ljg) \+ [“Village”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYpzlMC_B0o)

 

> **'How did I wined up in this situation' a blond haired teen thought to himself after waking up to find Mia, a lamia he's looking after as part of a cultural exchange program, had snuk into his bed and now coiled around him.**
> 
> **"Mia it's time to wake up" the blond said "Uhh, just five more minutes… I mean, just five more degree" said lamia replied tightening her grip on the poor blond** […]

 

While this was happening, Cupid dried himself off with a convenient nearby towel before slipping on his outfit for this continuum: cutoff jeans, a red T-shirt with the symbol of Palutena’s Army on the front and white wing decals on the back, and size 13 flip-flops. Meanwhile, Stephanie, being a native, didn’t bother with a disguise, or even different clothes. Her blue vest was enough for her. “Cupid? Who’s the blond boy?”

Cupid had managed to stuff the last of his dropped knick-knacks back into the Writhing Mass (including, with Stephanie’s help, the cask of Viking ale), mumbling about canon swapping, when he felt something slither over the top of his foot. With a startled yelp, he kicked it off, causing it to splatter onto Stephanie’s shirt.

Stephanie squealed in delight and hugged the slime creature. “Oooh, she’s so _cuuuute!_ ”

Cupid stared at her. “ _What’s_ so cute?!”

“She’s a mini-Suu! Chakkik told me about this, his old partner had one! I think this is Mia.” The mini gurgled a bit and nuzzled closer to Stephanie, looking rather fearfully at Cupid.

The disguised angel looked a little sullen. “Aww, did I scare you? I’m sorry,” he said, walking over and reaching out to pet the mini. She shuffled a bit, before realizing that Cupid meant her no harm. Mia gurgled happily and leapt off of Stephanie’s chest, latching onto the top of Cupid’s head.

Cupid yelped again, but didn’t throw her off. “I agree that she’s adorable. But… Who’s Suu?”

“I thought you watched the show? She’s the slime girl.”

“Oh, _her_. Dangit, did I drink too much again? Or did someone spike the Viking ale with Bleep stuff?”

“Doesn’t Bleep make alcohol explode?”

Cupid rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Good point. Anyway, back to your original question… The blond guy is Naruto Uzumaki, from the anime of the same name. He’s a ninja from the Hidden Leaf Village, and his ultimate goal is to be recognized as village leader, or _Hokage_ .” He blinked, and then scowled. “So _why_ is he here?! What the _gamo_ happened to drop him in _this_ continuum and have _him_ wake up with Miia instead of Kimihito? What did Kimihito ever do to look bad?!”

“Well…” Stephanie looked rather bashful. “Kimihito is a bit of a Stu…”

Cupid blinked again. “Huh? How?” Then he looked up at the Words. “Uh, hold that thought. We have to hide! Again.”

He grabbed the Writhing Mass once more, pulling out a D.O.R.K.S. this time. One flash of light and several sci-fi noises later, the mass had shrunk into a teen-sized backpack, which Cupid hitched onto his shoulders before dive-bombing Stephanie.

The kraken girl, for her part, wrapped Cupid in her legs before surging to the wall and vanishing completely. And just in time, too — for no sooner had she done so when the door opened, and a spiky-haired blond entered. He could’ve sworn he’d seen something moving in the corner, but he brushed it off as a trick of the light before starting the bath.

The agents and the mini remained as still as possible, not making a sound while Naruto waited for Miia to enter. The fic, meanwhile, explained how Naruto had ended up here in the first place:

 

> **It was shortly after the failed Sasuke retrieval mission, about three days after starting his journey with Jiraiya. Naruto had told the old pervert about an old seal he had accidently finished a few months before that acted as a gateway to a different world. It was then that Jiraiya decided that they would train in this world when they didn't have anywhere specific to visit in there world. To get money Jiraiya simply shod his books to a publisher and the rest is pretty simple to guess.**

 

Stephanie started whispering to Cupid. “You’re trembling… is it because they’re thinking with portals?”

To her surprise, Cupid didn’t giggle at this, instead whispering in reply with a Not Amused look on his face. “I’m not so worried about the actual transportation method… I’m more concerned about _why_ they would come here in the first place! They have plenty of things to do in their world, and this probably isn’t even during _Shippuden_ yet!”

“Shippuden?”

“You know what, you can handle the _Monster Musume_ charges, and I’ll try to handle the _Naruto_ ones. Fair’s fair.”

“Cupid? You’re getting angry…”

“Look, our date is already ruined! Should you really be surprised? Anyway, we’d better find a safer place to talk. If I do blow up I’d rather not do it here.”

The mini-Suu, still sitting on Cupid’s head, burbled her assent.

Stephanie carefully edged around the bathroom, avoiding Naruto and eventually creeping out the door, narrowly missing Miia in the process. Once out, she sped up to leave the building, returning to visibility and a stark white color.

“And another thing,” Cupid growled. “They ruined the very first scene of _Monster Musume_ , both the manga _and_ the anime!”

“Yes… the evasion and the lack of tail-tugging is bad… That scene sets the tone for the story: yes it’s perverted, yes it’s often at Kimihito’s expense, and no, it doesn’t plan on doing anything explicit yet.” Her voice trembled a bit as she spoke.

“Wait, _explicit?!_ ”

“No actual sex, I mean.”

Cupid sighed. “ _Good_.” Then he noticed her color. “Uh, you okay?”

“I don’t like when people are angry… It scares me… angry people get violent…”

His face fell. “Oh… Well, I wasn’t angry at you, don’t worry. I was just upset that this had to happen on our first date. Sorry for making you upset, though.”

She nodded, her pink coloration starting to fade back in.

“Anyway, let’s not worry about that,” said Cupid. “We have a Duty to attend to, like it or not. And if we play our cards right, it shouldn’t take so long.”

“Right.” Stephanie looked mildly hopeful.

“That’s the good news, anyway. The bad news? This fic seems like blatant plagiarism of the anime, at least wherever Miia and company show up.”

“Play-jer-izm?”

Cupid facepalmed. “Copying events straight from the original series.”

“Oh! Grandad called that ‘stealing my bloody stories of derring-do and making me want to sink their bloody ships twice.’”

“Exactly. So we can skip whatever looks like it’s been stolen. Assuming you can actually steal a story, somehow…”

“Grandad has lots of stories. If he says you can steal them, then I guess they can be stolen.”

He shrugged, before checking the Words. “Actually, most of this chapter copies the first chapter of the manga, until towards the end. C’mon.”

The agents made their way to the spot in question, wherein Miia had glomped Naruto as per the anime. Only instead of Ms. Smith, it was **an older man with long spiky white hair tied into a ponytail** who walked in on them.

“Who’s that?” Stephanie’s voice was a low whisper.

Cupid facepalmed. “ _Jiraiya._ ”

The chapter ended on an awkward note — along with the world’s smallest nine-tailed fox joining the agents. It had orange fur and menacing dark eyes which glared hatefully up at the agents.

“Is this another mini?” Stephanie eyed the fox curiously.

Cupid yelped and jumped into her arms, Mia nearly slipping off his head. “A mini-Kurama! Steph, stay back! It can smell fear!”

She laughed heartily, leaned down and started petting **konaha**. “I’m not that much of a baby, I’m not scared of it.”

The mini growled and bared his teeth. “Just put it in the adoption agency. I don’t want it! What if it eats the other minis back at my place? Kurama is _evil._ ”

“I dunno… my scorpion friend’s husband has like twelve minis, and they all get along just fine.”

“Maybe send it to him, then? I don’t know! I mean, Lapis would want it, sure, but she’s got enough minis as it is…”

Stephanie retrieved her Remote Activator from her vest, dialed in a portal to RC 211, and tossed konaha through. “Hello, Kala! Sorry, Cupid thought your husband would like this.”

She closed the portal just as a high-pitched shriek of joy issued from the other side.

Cupid mumbled to himself wordlessly, and then took out his own RA. “I think we can skip the entirety of Chapter 2, which is just a copy of the second chapter of the manga. What chapter does Papi come in, again?”

“Three. I remember because Papi has three toes on each foot!”

Cupid laughed and rubbed the back of his head. “Fair enough. So if the pacing is anything to go by, that puts us at the start of Chapter 3. Portal?”

“Of course!”

 

> **"Mia you seem happy today, what's up" Naruto asked the girl noticing singing while they hung their laundry on the roof. "Oh Darling! You're so shameless with your questions! I love that part of you, too!" Mia said as she repeatedly patted him on the back, something he's sure would be a lot more painful for someone without shinobi training. "Well, you know, it cause you were so cool yesterday, Darling1" Mia answered as she pictured Naruto saving her from those creeps. "Really? Some of the people I know back home would have called me an idiot, after what I did yesterday" Naruto said as memories of his pink haired team mate flashed through his mind. "Well then they're the idiots. Anyway, next time I want to be the one protecting you, Darling!" Mia said as she entered the house. "Well I don't think that will be necessary. Huh?" Naruto said just before a blue feather fell in front of him.**

 

While Cupid started wondering about how the characterization of the Naruto canons could have allowed for the jump between worlds mentioned previously, a light breeze picked up, and aside from the aforementioned feather, a bunch of strange P-shaped symbols began blowing by, unnoticed by everyone except the agents.

Stephanie curiously reached out and grabbed one. “This is new…”

Cupid facepalmed yet again. “Aw crap, _paragraph winds._ I should’ve expected this.”

“Oh, so it isn’t new?”

“Yeah, well, I think I’ve encountered this phenomenon once before, I just didn’t think much of it at the time. We were more focused on that God-Mode Stu than anything else, after all. Anyway, paragraph wind is caused by the Suethor mashing sentences together without thinking about how to divide them consistently. I think Lapis said it was something like Top Tip? Time, place, tone, person?”

Stephanie tossed the ¶ back into the air. “I wouldn’t know.”

He shrugged. “I forgot English isn’t your first language. Ah, well. I wouldn’t worry about the grammar, anyway — it’s the fact that Kimihito’s been replaced that’s more worrisome. Speaking of, we’ve gotta follow Papi and Naruto! Portal?”

“Sure!” Stephanie tapped on her Remote Activator, but the portal that opened was _not_ to the park.

A six-eyed woman attached at the hip to the body of a giant spider blinked at them.

Stephanie turned red. “Oh… sorry… my hands are too big for this…”

Cupid yelped and started fumbling in his “bag” for the neuralyzer. Unfortunately, the Writhing Mass had buried it in a massive knot of tentacles, meaning Cupid had to struggle to pull it out. “I — uh — You didn’t see anything! Heheh…”

Stephanie pressed her own neuralyzer into Cupid’s hand, not trusting herself to use it properly. Thankfully, Rachnera was a bit too stunned by their sudden appearance to react in time.

After the agents neuralyzed Rachnee, Cupid grabbed the RA from Stephanie and shut the portal, before opening up another one to the park where Papi and Naruto were. He peered through and scowled.

“I guess we should count ourselves lucky that Rachnee’s bound to show up later in the fic,” he grumbled. “And it looks like we missed Papi’s intro scene thanks to that little screw-up. But we can still jump in at around the same time when Miia interrupts Papi and Naruto.”

Stephanie nodded. “I’m sorry for wasting time… the Activator was not designed for people of my size…”

Cupid frowned. “It’s fine, Steph. We’ve got bigger problems, anyway. C’mon!”

They managed to hide in some bushes, but just as Papi and Miia started fighting, the agents were surprised by the appearance of another mini-Kurama, **Jaraiya**. Cupid shuddered, and looked at Stephanie expectantly.

Stephanie lifted Jaraiya. “Can you open a portal to my Response Center? I… do not think I can use the activator…”

“But Chakkik won’t be happy if he finds a mini in his RC! There’s always the Adoption Center, so…”

“Oh… alright then.” Stephanie waited for the portal to open, her skin turning a very faint tint of blue.

Cupid opened a portal to the Adoption Center, and the kraken-girl reluctantly ushered the tiny fox through it.

That was when Cupid finally noticed the full-sized fox hanging around near Naruto, which caused him to retch a little and hug one of Stephanie’s tentacles. “Welp. We’re doomed.”

“What? Oh, who’s the fox?”

“Oh, _him?_ That would be Kurama himself — or as the fic calls him, **Kyuubi** . That’s his nickname for him in canon, too, but whatever we call him, this is _not. Good._ ”

During this time, the monster girls’ fight was interrupted by the little girl getting stuck in the tree, as in canon, and Miia and Papi having to work together to rescue her. Cupid silently thanked the goddesses that the canon wasn’t being bent too out of shape.

“Nine-tailed foxes are just shapeshifters, aren’t they?” Stephanie asked, pulling him from his reverie.

“How do you know that? Are there any in your home continuum?”

“Yes, actually. There’s one in the manga, Luz Ninetei.”

“Any males, though?” He paused, and then rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Never mind. This is a monster- _girl_ anime, after all. Hang on, I’ll portal us to Naruto’s house. Don’t wanna get us caught in any scene shifts, don’t we?”

Stephanie frowned at him. “I told you about my gran _dad_ , right? There are lots of male liminals. The only all-female ones are lami…ae? Lamias?… and harpies.”

“Oh, dangit. Totally forgot about that, sorry. Anyway, after you…” He opened up a portal, and the two of them made their way to **Naruto's house**.

Whereupon Cupid got face-hugged by another mini-Suu. “Mrrrrrgll!”

Stephanie plucked **Sumike** from Cupid’s head and placed the mini on her own. “Now we both have watery hats!”

Mia gurgled in greeting, the second mini responding in kind. Cupid rolled his eyes and focused on the Words instead.

“That’s not important. Can I ask you something? Is replacing Kimihito with some other character a common thing in Monster Musume crossovers? And how is Kimihito a Stu, anyway? You never answered that question…”

“Yes, actually… and as for the Stu thing, well… It’s less on him, and more who he’s compared to. Most of the other male characters served to just make Kimihito look better by comparison. The director was short, ugly and cruel, and the racist couple were… well… that exactly.”

Cupid frowned. “That’s kinda harsh… My home continuum had more female than male characters, too, but the only really nasty guy was Hades. Everyone else was a lot more decent.”

The fic, meanwhile, was narrating the conversation about Papi’s certification, again, in a similar manner to canon. Cupid took out the RA again.

“Time to skip to Chapter Four. Who’s the next girl to show up again? Centorea?”

“I think so, yes.”

Cupid shuddered again. “Outstanding…”

With that, the two of them forged on, skipping past the Author’s Notes and finding themselves tailing Naruto as he brought home some groceries. Predictably, Centorea ended up bumping into him. And after she addressed him as “Master,” Naruto contacted Ms. Smith to find that, in accordance with canon, she was off duty and that Centorea was allowed to go out alone.

“Maybe we can skip this part, too?” Cupid muttered. “The sooner we finish this, the faster we can get back to our date. This is somewhat consistent with canon, anyway.”

Stephanie nodded. “Grandad would be boiling… ”

“Huh? Why? Ohhhh.” He then checked the Words, and let out a concerned whimper. “Uh… Steph, um… You might wanna see this…”

The conversation had soon given way to the purse-snatcher chase. And while the offer to ride on her back was as normal, Cerea drew **her mid-evil like double edged sword** , which manifested as a serrated, wicked-looking blade that glowed with menacing red energy.

“Uh-oh,” Cupid muttered. And really, what more needed to be said?

Stephanie’s eyes widened. “Mid… evil? That should be medieval, yes?”

“I guess this is what one of those ‘typos’ does to a Word World, isn’t it? Hm, we’d better grab it from her and get her real sword back as soon as we clean this mess up.”

Stephanie suddenly lit up. “I know who to give it to!”

“Who, me? I’ve already got my bow…”

“Cupid. We both know someone who uses toothy red swords.”

“Oh, _him._ Well, I’ve been working to get your partner a new weapon after our last mission, and that would be perfect! Anyway, time to get to the next chapter. And charge in advance for Naruto getting nearly bisected by that thing… and _living._ ”

“Kimihito did… “

Cupid threw his hands up in frustration. “The sword was a fake in the actual canon. That’s why Kimihito survived! _That_ thing? It looks like it could do _so_ much more damage. Though I’ll give it to Naruto, he’s survived a _lot_ worse.”

“Does that have anything to do with those stripey scars on his cheeks?”

“Long story. Anyway, we also need to skip the chapters that are copied from the manga. Again, better not to waste any time. The first chapter that breaks away from the canon would probably be…” He checked the RA. “Chapter… Seven. Which is after…” He turned slightly pale, and suddenly hugged Stephanie.

“Oh… yes… I would prefer to avoid that…”

“Yeah, skipping would be a good idea. You’re already strong enough as it is — putting you under a full moon like in episode 3 of the anime? I probably wouldn’t survive! So yeah, Chapter 7, here we come!”

Stephanie nodded and blinked a few times, but said nothing as the portal opened up.

 

********************

 

**Act Two**

Soundtrack: _Monster Girl Quest_ OST - [ “Comical” ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fatXOqtEe9U) \+ [ “Boss Buildup” ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZUxU3gGIpuo)

 

> **I'm back once again to give all of you another chapter! This is my first original chapter for this story so I hope you enjoy it. Also sorry if it's a bit shorter than my other chapters, I'll try to fix that with the next original chapter, Okay? So please continue to enjoy my story as much as you want.**

 

“I am not certain we _would_ enjoy it.” Stephanie was the first to speak once she’d squeezed through the portal.

“Well, one good thing about this,” said Cupid, the scowl returning to his face. “We’re finally gonna figure out how in-character Naruto is when he’s not copying Kimihito.”

Indeed, the chapter had already begun — the girls were talking with Jiraiya, worrying about Naruto and discussing his troubled backstory.

“I have not seen this character, or whatever it is he’s from, so I wouldn’t know.” She tentatively placed one of her legs on his shoulder. “Are you alright?”

“ _No!_ ” Cupid turned to glare at her, noticed her expression, and covered his mouth in alarm. “Well, I, uh… I said earlier that I’m not mad at you or anything. But this date’s been turned upside down ever since the badfic arrived, and as much as I want it dead, I _really_ don’t want to do anything stupid in front of you. You know how my canon counterpart has a habit of jumping into boss battles without a care in the world?”

She shook her head. “I know someone who does though…”

He understood what she was talking about straight away. “Well, I hope you’d be happy to hear that I’m not nearly as heavy as your partner. Hollow bones and the like.”

Stephanie’s purplish-pink skin changed into the tie-dye that signified her confusion. “Why do you bring this up?”

“Because I was going to ask if I could trust you to hold me back until we pick the right time to move in. I wasn’t there to see what happened to Chakkik but I _did_ see the aftermath. And I’ve gotta say, this is worse, because there could be a chance that Naruto may not have been replaced, and more importantly, if we tried dropping a giant monster on everybody, we’d risk destroying the house!”

Her skin remained tie-dye. “What giant monster? There aren’t any gigantes here…”

He glared at her again, causing her to recoil and turn pale. “I was referring to how Lapis managed to get Chakkik to safety and avenge what that evil god Stu did to him. The _only_ reason that didn’t result in any mass chaos was because Captain Deadnite’s ship was nowhere near anywhere canonical. I asked her once whether it was possible to replicate that feat, and she adamantly refused to try it again. I don’t think Davy Jones would’ve been so nice to her if she did, anyway.”

Stephanie turned blue again. “I’m sorry for making you angry, Cupid… I feel like such an idiot…”

He slapped his forehead. “Don’t be. It’s our predicament that I’m not happy about, and my entire point was that there were too many situational things about the Kraken being shoved up Titus’ butthole! There’s no way we can replicate—”

Whatever Cupid was going to say was interrupted by Stephanie wrapping all twelve of her limbs around him in a desperate bid to calm him down. “We’ll figure something out… If he’s just out of character, then you can point the neuralyzer at him, we rescue Kimihito and we can go home. If not… we’ll think of something.”

Because of their height difference, her hug resulted in a certain part of her anatomy sitting right on top of Cupid’s head, causing Mia to gurgle in complaint. Nonetheless, he blushed at this, drooling slightly but catching himself before he could stain his shirt.

“I hope so,” he said after wiping his mouth. “And not to tempt the IO, but I _really_ hope what we’re dealing with isn’t any worse than a Sue-wraith. Which I’m pretty sure I can deal with.” He knocked on the nearest wall for good measure.

At that precise moment, another scene shift took the agents to **Naruto' room** , where the blond ninja was talking with Kurama about the former’s mom. Fortunately, Stephanie was able to camouflage herself before Naruto could take any notice of them.

The agents and the minis remained utterly silent while the conversation continued, with Kurama wishing he could break out of the seal containing him within Naruto’s body. The two of them discussed the possibility of using a clone as a puppet, which seemed to hold promise.

“Clones? I thought this was an urban-fantasy slice of life, not _Star Wars_.”

“Naruto’s Shadow Clone Technique,” Cupid explained. “One of his most often used techniques. He basically creates multiple corporeal copies of himself…”

Before he could explain further, however, **the room was filled with smoke, followed by a feminine voice saying "Well Naruto, you might not be as stupid as I first thought"**

“Cupid? Wha—” She stifled a cough from the sudden cloud of smoke. “What’s going on?”

Cupid stared at the scene before him in abject horror. The owner of the voice was, apparently, **a girl at about six foot five inches tall, crimson red slitted eyes, fair skin, thick orange hair that went just past her shoulders, a matching pair of fox ears on top of her head, and a tail swishing behind her.**

“Would now be a good time to say ‘Fuck me right in the pussy’?” Cupid asked, his voice tiny and faint.

“You don’t have one… er…” Stephanie’s non-camouflaged skin turned red. “I looked…”

“Note to self,” Cupid muttered, turning as red as her. “Do _not_ consult the Box of Memes for dating advice. Steph, gimme the C-CAD. We’ve gotta be sure.”

Stephanie’s whole body wriggled, and her C-CAD fell from between her legs into Cupid’s hands. He quickly pointed it at the fox-girl.

 

> [Kurama-chan. _Naruto_ canon… wait… no… character replacement. Kill it with snakes.]

 

Cupid made a “gag me” gesture and quickly shut off the C-CAD.

“I… did not plan for this…” Stephanie sounded worried. “The Marquis assigned me to my department because I’m strong… I don’t know if I can do my job…”

Cupid shook his head, silently thankful that the Writhing Mass had “eaten” his bow earlier. “You won’t have to, Steph. Just leave it to me.”

Kurama-chan dragged Naruto to the kitchen, leading to another scene shift that put the agents back in the **Living room** , where the girls noticed the smell of cooking. Cupid’s mouth began to water, but then he remembered who was making dinner.

“…Cupid?” asked Stephanie. “Your mouth is damp… more than is normal for humans, I mean.”

“Blame it on Kimihito’s mad cooking skills,” he replied after wiping his mouth again. “Which have, apparently, been passed on to Naruto — even though his favorite hobby is actually _gardening_.”

“I would not have guessed that.” Stephanie started wriggling a bit more, trying to exit the living room without anyone noticing.

Well, Cupid _did_ notice. “Uh, you’re not interested in leaving the house, are you?” he asked. “Because the end of this chapter is basically Jiraiya finding out about Kurama-chan’s existence — which he’s not happy about at _all_ — and the next chapter is basically the one with Miia shedding like in the anime, so we’d better skip to Chapter 9.”

“What happens then?”

“We’ll probably find out when we get there. C’mon!”

They opened a portal, finding themselves in the same park from Chapter 3. Naruto and Kurama-chan were taking a stroll together when a girl fell out of a tree onto Naruto. **The girl wore a white shirt, dark blue shorts, and a green clip in her hair. She had emerald green eyes, whisker marks on her cheeks, blond hair that reached her shoulders, and like Kurama a matching pair of fox ears and tail.**

“Who. Is. _This?_ ” Stephanie raised her eyebrow.

Her question was answered when a moment later, the girl introduced herself as **Midori**. Cupid tensed instinctively.

“I don’t remember anyone named Midori from either canon who looked like this. Probably an OC from the _Monster Musume_ continuum, given those ears…”

“Doesn’t ‘ _midori_ ’ mean ‘green’?”

“And she’s got green eyes… How original. At least in my case my surname’s a specific _shade_ of red.”

“Well… I’ve heard that there’s a canonical name somewhere whose first name means Greeneye, and their last name IS Greeneye.”

“That’s not the important part. We need to see what this Midori is like. At best we’ll have to assimilate her into the canon. I hope.”

Naruto, Kurama-chan, and Midori had a brief discussion over the latter’s homestay (specifically, her sister, **Hikari** , and their human partner, **Naomi** ), and then Midori stated that she was going on a treasure hunt that had apparently been set up by her caretaker. Cupid checked the Words, and then took out the RA.

“I think we’ll have to skip this chapter, too, since it’s mostly filler — but not before we witness and record something pretty important that happens in a bit. You with me, Steph?”

“If you are alright with being an angel Twizzler.”

They portaled their way to **Inside of random cave** , which the group had apparently fallen into out of sheer bad luck. Midori nearly broke her arm, which got Kurama’s attention.

 

> **"Here let me see your arm" Kurama said to which Midori showed her. 'Hm, she nearly broke her arm. It would be best to fix it now before it becomes a problem' Kurama thought to herself as she began to push chakra into her arm. Once Kurama was done Midori looked at her arm in amazement "Wow! How did you do that?! My arm feels great!". "I've been healing Naruto his whole life, so this wasn't too hard. Just be careful, would ya, I don't know how well I can fix a broken bone like this, and I'd rather not find out today" Kurama told her getting a nod from the girl.**

 

Stephanie looked at Cupid. “Does Kyuurama have healing powers?”

Cupid blinked. “Well, yes, actually! The wearing down of the seal caused small portions of his chakra to leak out over time, allowing Naruto to heal from minor wounds within seconds and even recover from major injuries within days. That’s why I said that Naruto would theoretically have been able to survive getting sliced by that mid-evil sword we saw earlier.”

“Oh! Okay. So is anything actually wrong with this scene?”

“Aside from Kurama being a fox girl, nope. But I have a feeling that this could be a problem when we get around to getting rid of her. All of that chakra could heal off Naruto within hours, if not seconds. What if she could heal herself?”

Stephanie thought of Wolverine, Ser Duncan the Tall, and Alucard. “Oh… yes…”

“So if we’re going to kill her, we’ll have to be quick.”

“Maybe I could throw her?” Stephanie suddenly blanched (but only her face). “Dah! Wh-what did I just say? Is this getting to me?”

“Believe me, you have no idea,” Cupid growled. “Time for another skip. I think the next chapter, and the one after that, deal with Suu’s intro. Chapter 12 branches off from the anime once more, though, so we can go there if you want to.”

“I want to be done with this. I’m tired of being a load…”

Cupid looked at her. “What’s a ‘load’?”

“Dead weight. A millstone. A liability.”

Cupid looked at her, his expression sullen. “Steph, it’s okay. You’re doing great so far! I’m not worried about you sitting aside, because at least you still know enough about _Monster Musume_ to be helpful. Honestly, it’s _you_ who should be worried about _me_ . Remember what I said about my jumping in too quickly? My point still stands, and honestly? I _need_ someone to talk to at a time like this.”

“Okay…” She didn’t look entirely convinced, but she managed a weak smile.

Then the cave around them started to rumble. Thinking quickly, Cupid dialed a portal, grabbing one of her tentacles with his free hand and cuddling it close. “And don’t worry, Steph. I’ll make sure we get this thing finished ASAP. I promise!”

 

********************

 

**Act Three**

Soundtrack: _Monster Girl Quest_ OST - [ “Four Heavenly Knight Battle” ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wr_jcR7-xPY) \+ [ “Monster Lord Battle” ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fleCZ4k4gpQ)

 

The agents skipped past the Author’s Note, which was apparently listing the monster-girl harem that was going to be chosen for Naruto, and found themselves back at the house. Naruto was making breakfast for everybody, including Midori’s group who had decided to stay with Naruto after what had happened — and apparently, since Naruto had helped save Midori when the cave they had been in earlier began collapsing, she now had a habit of calling him “dad”.

“What even. Whaaaa. I…” Stephanie’s camouflage started to falter, but she quickly caught herself. “I do not understand anything anymore.”

Cupid shook his head. “Neither do I. But that’s badfic for you!”

“Perhaps this has something to do with Chakkik’s violence… and why Kala’s husband is so… um…” She thought for a few seconds, before giving up. “I do not think there are any words in Norwegian, Italian, _or_ English that properly describe Kala’s husband.”

“Wait, what happened to him?”

“I don’t know.”

“…Do I want to know? I take it I _don’t_ want to know.”

“I don’t know. He’s funny, though.”

The phone rang a moment later, and Naruto went over to pick it up. To his surprise, it was Ms. Smith, who asked him to **look after an extraspecies girl for the day** . And when Naruto asked about this, the response was, **"Exactly what it sound like! I'd have someone else do it, but we kinda have to take care of a hostage situation, involving orc's at a doujin store"**

“Wait. _What?!_ ” Cupid asked.

Stephanie rolled her eyes, which looked rather odd with her strangely-shaped pupils. “Ten _kroner_ says that the stay is actually permanent,” she said.

“At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised. But I’m not so worried about that. This fic’s gonna skip the chapter in the anime introducing the M.O.N. group!”

“There was a similar group in Italy, actually, I saw them on television… er… I think one of them was a jack frost?”

Cupid looked at her. “There’s only _one_ Jack Frost, and he’s voiced by Chris Pine.”

“Jack frost is actually a species here!”

“Huh? So, you’re trying to tell me that there are entire monster girl races based off mythical figures that would otherwise be a single entity? Like the Jabberwock or something?”

She pulled a Fictionary from her vest. “See for yourself… it’s too small for me, but you could make use of it.”

“Uh, Steph? I’m still learning to read… I know my friend from the DMS-VG division’s been a great help, but I’m not certain if I’ll be able to—”

“Headphones! There’s such a thing as an audiobook!” She withdrew a pair of headphones from her vest, put them on Cupid’s head and placed the Fictionary in his hand.

It worked spectacularly. Cupid found himself immersed in the field guide to monster girls, to the point where his attention soon became focused exclusively on the Fictionary.

Meanwhile, Naruto had headed out of the house, and since there was no specific location defined for the meeting spot with the new girl, the agents were left in the house. As it turned out, said girl had **short black hair, golden eyes, green scales, and a long white trench coat**.

Stephanie stared at the Words, puzzled. “Why her? She’s a lesbian, and she hates men… and she already _has_ a host family.”

Her thoughts were derailed by… _something._ She couldn’t place what it was, but something felt very, very wrong… like she and Cupid weren’t alone.

Since Cupid was still engrossed in the Fictionary, she had to poke him in the arm with one of her tentacles to get his attention.

“Aww, I was just getting started!”

“Cupid, something’s wrong…”

“Huh? What?” He looked up at the Words and groaned. “Aw great, _Draco_. Shouldn’t she show up sometime in like what, Episode 9?”

“It’s… not that…” Stephanie’s legs wrapped around Cupid. “There’s something here…”

Cupid looked around. “I don’t see anything. Maybe the fic’s badness is making you see things. You’re _colorblind_ , for Palutena’s sake!”

“I didn’t see anything, either… I… I don’t know, I _felt_ something, like… like…” She thought for a moment. “Like that feeling when something you’re afraid of falls dead in front of you, but then you feel something else, something _bigger_ , breathing on the back of your neck…”

Cupid turned his gaze to her, frowning. “You mean to tell me you’ve been feeling that the _entire_ _time_ we were here, and you didn’t tell me _once?!_ ”

“I didn’t notice, everything else was happening, everyone else was here… but the house is empty, nothing is distracting me…”

His face fell. “Well, all the other girls are there, but… I guess all those times we were in the house had the badfic doing things with them. What happens when it doesn’t?”

“I don’t know…”

His expression grew tense. “Whatever the case, we have to search the house before Naruto comes back. I have a feeling I know what’s wrong with this picture. And I may or may not have a plan.”

“Huh?”

“It’s not going to involve any sea monster attacks, that’s a given. First, we need to get that sword. And then, we need to find Kimihito.”

“Oh! Yes!” Stephanie uncoiled her legs from around him. “I… think he should be in a plothole? That’s what Chakkik said happened with replaced canons.”

Cupid straightened up a little. “That’s it! I think I know where he is. But first, well… I hope Cerea doesn’t mind us taking one of her things…”

Stephanie surged ahead of Cupid almost before he finished speaking. “I’ll get the sword!”

“W-wait! We also need to determine a stopping point for the fic! STEPH!…”

 

**********

 

> **"You really suck at this!" Draco said beating the blond for the 15th time in a row. "Shut up! Best out of 32!" Naruto said with anime stile tears running down 'her' face. "I think I'll pass" Draco told her blond companion. "Hey blondy, how'd you get picked to watch me anyway?" she asked getting up from the game. "I guess it's because I'm use to this kind of thing" Naruto answered getting up 'herself'.**

 

“Rrrgblbl.” The mini-Suu, who had finally gotten bored with sitting on Cupid’s head, was now cradled in his hands like a tiny slimy baby. He was paying attention to the Words, and cringing a little at the “anime-stile tears”, when he heard the gurgle of the other mini-Suu. Stephanie shifted back into the living room a moment later, bearing the mid-evil sword in her hand, Sumike on her shoulder, and several hoofprints on her midriff.

“She _did_ mind…”

Cupid gasped at the sight of her. “This is what happens when you rush in without thinking, Steph! Did you neuralyze Cerea at least?”

“Yes… almost neuralyzed myself, though… stupid tiny device made for stupid tiny hands… It didn’t hurt, though, I’m soft and bendy.” She bent one of her arms almost completely backward in demonstration.

He rubbed his forehead. “ _Gods_ , I need a drink. That should’ve been _me_ who went to get that sword! I was worried that _I_ would be the one who’d get into trouble for rushing in without thinking, but now look what you’ve done, barging in like that and…” He faltered upon seeing the look on her face.

“I-I’m sorry…” Stephanie was starting to turn blue again.

He gazed up at her, feeling regretful. “Yeah, I’m sorry too. This fic has gotten onto my nerves ever since we started — I mean, I’ve facepalmed so much that I can’t feel my forehead anymore! I guess taking it out on you isn’t a good idea, though.”

“So what did I miss?”

“A bit of out-of-place anime effects here, Naruto dressing in drag there, but otherwise nothing too exciting. ”

Stephanie’s head tilted almost ninety degrees. “Drag? I do not know—”

He snorted and shook his head. “Crossdressing, Steph. You would know — as would my partners. Remember the time when Lapis made me put on a dress?”

“Oooh! Oooh.” She paused a moment, before smiling broadly. “Naruto probably doesn’t look as good as you did!”

“On the contrary!” Cupid looked a little annoyed, but that mood vanished completely when he continued. “Have you _seen_ Naruto’s Sexy No Jutsu? It’s powerful enough to give people high-pressure nosebleeds if they look directly at it!”

“… huh?” Her head did another right-angle tilt, in the other direction this time.

“Genderbent. _Naked. Naruto._ That is all.” He held his nose shut as though anticipating a killer nosebleed, which was probably true.

“I don’t know…” She shrugged. “So when do we move in? I almost want to throw the fox-girl into the sun…” She peeped and turned white. “Wh-why am I saying that?”

“We can skip the next two chapters, since they’re copied off the anime. Rachnee shows up in Chapter 14, and then after that…”

He flipped through the RA, and then gasped. “Oh, for _fuck’s_ sake…”

“What?”

“Chapter 15 or 16 is _definitely_ our entry point. We’ve gotta grab Kimihito and put him back where he belongs, and _then_ we take care of everyone else. Where is he, anyway?”

After a moment’s thought, Stephanie dropped the sword and sped off, this time in the direction of Kimihito’s room.

Cupid yelped, made to follow her, and then realized that the sword was still there. Taking care not to touch it, he unhitched the Writhing Mass for a moment and opened up its bag disguise, allowing its tentacles to scoop up the menacing weapon and ingest it. Then he closed up the bag and cried, “Steph, wait for meeeee!”

Upon arriving at Kimihito’s room, he found Stephanie, hunched over a plothole, with her two tentacles all the way in. “You’re fine, we’re here to fix this…”

She wriggled back and reeled him in. Kimihito, for his part, looked about as unfazed as anyone could be at Stephanie’s appearance in his room. “I thought I was used to everything… but I don’t think I expected a fox-girl to shove me in a hole…”

Cupid blinked. “Didn’t Kurama-chan, like, not appear until Chapter 7?” he whispered to Stephanie.

Kimihito still heard him. “Is that her name? Well… she was in here for a while, but then left after throwing some kind of smoke bomb out…”

The agents looked at each other, their hearts sinking.

“That must be one patient Sue,” said Cupid. “We’d better be fast, or what happened to Chakkik could happen to us!”

Kimihito blinked. “Who’s Chakkik?”

Cupid gulped. “Uh… A friend of ours,” he replied. It wasn’t even a lie.

“Can you neuralyze Kimihito? My hands are too big…” She screwed her eyes shut.

“Wait, like _Men in Bla—_ ”

_FLASH._

“Kimihito Kurusu, you’re a homestay for six liminals and have growing relationships with all of them,” said Cupid, his eyes closed as well. “You’ll be going about your daily life with monster girls like the usual — but first, you’re going to come with us for just a few minutes.”

“Eh? Why?”

Cupid put the neuralyzer away. “We could use your help getting the girls back to normal.”

With that, the group made their way to Chapter 15. The monster girls, including Rachnee (“Are Chapters 13 and 14 based on the episode where Rachnee makes her debut?” asked Cupid) were watching Naruto prepare some kind of **large sealing array**.

“What’s wrong?” Stephanie looked down at Cupid, who had turned slightly pale.

“They’re going. To. Konoha. We have to stop them!”

Too late. After a brief bit of dialogue, there was a _poof_ , and everyone was gone.

“Wait here,” Cupid told Kimihito. “We’ve gotta follow them!” The angel agent opened up a portal, and he and Steph filed through, Kimihito staring after them in utter confusion.

 

> **Konoha**
> 
> **"How long to you think they'll take?" Shizune asked, as her, Sakura, Jiraiya, and Tsunade waited in the court yard of Naruto's new house. "They better not make me wait all day!" Tsunade said becoming irritated. All she wanted to do was inspect her surrogate brother/son's potential wives, not die waiting for them! Fortunately she didn't have to wait much longer, for after a few more minutes a cloud of smoke announced their arrival.**
> 
> **"Konoha, I'm back!" Naruto all but yelled as the smoke cleared. "You weren't kidding about the nausea" Mia said while holding her stomach. "Papi doesn't feel good" Papi said having similar problems, and sure enough most of the others shared their thoughts. "I did warn you" the blond said rubbing the back of his head.**

 

“Cupid? Can you open a portal back to Kimihito’s house? If they’re all dazed, I can probably get them all back.” For the first time since their impromptu mission had begun, Stephanie looked determined and confident.

“That’s fine,” said Cupid, “but we’ll need to see how well these girls will do in the _Naruto_ canon—”

“Are there liminals or liminal-like creatures in Naruto?” The question was surprisingly sensible, coming from Stephanie.

Cupid blinked. “Uh… no? I’m guessing no. Orochimaru is probably the closest thing to a truly half-human monster thingy…”

“Then they won’t work. That wasn’t so hard, was it?” She looked far too pleased with herself.

“Then we’ll skip to the end of the chapter and get them back to their home continuum. Ready?”

“The question is, are _they_?” She jerked her head in the direction of the canons.

Cupid smiled, cuddling the mini-Suu, and opened another portal. “One way to find out!”

 

> **"Now Tsunade, there's no reason to scare them like that. After all we came here to relax and see the village" Ms. Smith told her. "I couldn't resist, it's not like I'll ever have this chance again" Tsunade nonchalantly said. "Anyway, as the Hokage, I welcome you to Konoha! Now are you going to just stand out here, or are you going to come inside?" Tsunade asked them.**
> 
> **"You all can do that, I'm going to see how the village has changes since I was last here" Kurama said as she walked towards the gate. "But don't you need our dear sir to accompany you outside the house?" Mero asked. "Look around, we're not in Japan anymore. There's no rules saying that here" the biju said as she walk past the gate.**

 

“Except for one,” Cupid muttered. “You ladies don’t belong in this continuum.”

Stephanie’s legs and tentacles rippled. “I get the girls, you get the Sue. Right?”

“Yeah, I think it’d be better if I went after her. I think I’d stand a better chance against her, anyway.”

“Wait, why? I’m stronger…”

“I have more experience in monster-killing, though. Pit replacement, remember?”

“Oh… okay!” She looked like a coiled spring. “Open the portal!”

He did so without hesitation, taking off his flip-flops and tossing them through. He figured Stephanie could pick them up later.

The girls were talking with the Naruto canons, perhaps considering a tour of the village, when the kraken girl surged in, coiled several limbs around Suu, Papi, Mero, and Rachnera, and sped off with them before anyone (canonical or otherwise) could react.

“Alright, got everyone?” asked Cupid, unhitching the Writhing Mass so Mia could slip inside.

She rushed through the portal, reappeared and vanished again, and returned yet again, this time with four limbs each carrying Cerea and Miia. “Now I have!” She hardly seemed to notice her passengers’ furious struggles to break free as she carried them through the portal home.

“What's going on?” asked Kurama-chan, who had tried to follow Stephanie. “Who are you two?”

Cupid instinctively unhitched his bag before plunging his hand into it. A moment later, he was brandishing his Angel Bow with a fiery expression.

“Kurama-chan!” he cried. “Imposter of the Nine-Tailed Fox, scourge of two continua, and thief of anime protagonists! By order of the Protectors of the Plot Continuum, you are hereby convicted of being a character replacement on account of the following charges: Replacing the canonical character of Kurama-slash-Kyuubi; shoving Kimihito Kurusu in a plothole; snatching Naruto Uzumaki from his home continuum and trying to supplant Kimihito with him; being female when Kurama/Kyuubi is canonically male; getting Naruto's talents wrong; for that matter, getting Naruto’s _characterization_ wrong multiple times, namely by forcing Kimihito’s personality on Naruto; absolutely preposterous amounts of plagiarism in general; creating a ‘mid-evil’ sword along with a whole host of minis; attempting to drag several _Naruto_ canons into the MonMusu continuum _and_ trying to shove the MonMusu girls into the Narutoverse; and one or a thousand more charges we’re forgetting and can’t care less about!”

Kurama-chan began bristling, her fingers curling into claws. “You _dare?!_ ”

“Underling of Suethors slavering before me!” Cupid posed dramatically, silently lamenting that Stephanie wasn’t there to see him. “It’s time to atone for your crimes. I am the servant of the Goddess of Light, and you! Are!! _History!!!_ ”

Everyone just stood there, a sea of confusion. Cupid realized what was going on, and let out an embarrassed laugh. “Sorry, couldn’t resist…”

Kurama-chan screamed wordlessly and lunged at him. Even as a human, he was fast, dodge-rolling so that her claws just missed his shoulder. Besting her in battle, though? That was a completely different issue.

“Out of the way!” he cried to the canon ninjas, who scattered while the replacement began to glow, her chakra power lighting up her fur. Cupid readied his bow as she lunged, but before he could fire, she’d swiped the weapon out of his hands, and it skidded to the ground two dozen feet away. She was on top of him a moment later, and even when he tried to kick at her belly, she wouldn’t yield, preparing to lunge at his throat with her teeth.

Two long tentacles, both black as tar, wrapped around Kurama-chan’s waist.

“ _GET! OFF! HIM!”_

Before the Sue could finish moving, her weight was gone from Cupid’s chest, and she was fifty feet above him… and still rising.

Stephanie Podd stood over Cupid, her entire body the same coal-black color as her tentacles. Her face was almost unrecognizable, as it was twisted into an unfamiliar mask of rage.

Cupid looked up at her with a yelp of terror. “Oh, goddesses… Remind me never to get on your bad side.”

A few moments later, there was a loud _WHUMP_ some fifty feet away. The two of them looked around to see that Kurama-chan had, for once, actually obeyed a law… the law of gravity, that is.

Stephanie returned to her normal bubblegum pink. “I… I’m sorry… I’ve never been that angry…”

He stood up, his breathing still a little ragged. “You’re fine,” he wheezed. “Steph… T-thank you.”

Stephanie turned away from the body of Kurama-chan. “I think she’s gone…”

“Which means we _finally_ have the evening to ourselves,” said Cupid, hugging her around the waist. “Just you and me… with absolutely _nothing_ between us.”

She turned white, and dawning horror spread on her face. “I… I just killed someone…”

Cupid nuzzled her stomach, his expression sullen. “It was her or us. She would’ve turned me to angel kibble if it weren’t for you. Or was that angle kibble? Would my pieces have been isosceles or obtuse if she’d gotten to me?”

Stephanie didn’t seem amused, and she hugged Cupid tightly, shaking heavily.

He knew what to do at that point. He was already returning the embrace, so he might as well take it all the way. “Steph, bend over. I need to tell you something.”

She did so, setting her head on his shoulder.

Cupid pulled away from her for a moment, and put a hand on her cheek. He leaned in, his eyes drifting closed, and…

…Kurama-chan’s body twitched.

The agents turned in her direction. Sparks of chakra were dancing around the Sue, her dislocated limbs and joints popping back into place. Slowly, ominously, she rose onto her hands and knees, and then onto her feet, hunched over with a murderous expression on her face.

“Welp,” Cupid said casually. “Fuck me right in the pussy.”

Kurama-chan screamed bloody murder and charged at the agents. Stephanie cried out in terror, wrapped herself around Cupid and flung herself sideways. In the process, his backpack came loose, and fell to the ground.

Where it promptly exploded.

The Sue shrieked helplessly, having found herself hurtling towards a blossoming maelstrom of inky black tentacles, twisting and whirling through the air like a colossal oily anemone. By sheer force of inertia, Kurama-chan plunged into the heart of the Writhing Mass, which promptly zeroed in on her with every appendage that hadn’t been holding something else, binding her limbs and strangling her neck and torso. More and more tentacles joined the dogpile until her screams became muffled and her body was obscured under the whole thing.

_Crack. Crack. Crack. Crack. CrackrackrackrackraaacKRUNCH!_

And then, silence. The agents stared at the Mass, and Cupid would swear he saw a trickle of glitter seeping from the base of the pile. It was then that he knew that somewhere, buried under all those tentacles, the replacement was no more.

The agents stood there in utter shock. And then Stephanie swayed a bit, and…

_Thud._

“Uh… Steph?” Cupid groaned. “Can you get off of me?… Please?”

 

********************

 

**Post-Mission**

 

_Somewhere…_

 

The blue-skinned, white-haired girl sighed at the mangled pink _something_ in the river. “Not another one… I thought the other two had dealt with all the creatures coming here…”

There was no response for several long moments. The pink thing couldn’t sense or feel, just spasm in a disturbing manner as it continued drifting with the current.

Then Lala was joined by someone. The newcomer was taller than she was, with calf-length green hair and a white robe. She clutched an ornate staff in her hands as she eyed the thing in the river.

“I never thought I’d visit here of all places,” she said. “Though the activity of my supposed ‘creation’ may have had something to do with it.”

Lala looked blankly at her. “You’re not the skeleton.”

“But I am an immortal. A goddess, if you will. And you must be…?”

“An agent of Death.” She did not admit that she was in love with the one the thing in the river had kidnapped.

“Huh. Well, I am the goddess of light. And it is my pleasure to meet you in person. Please, call me Palutena.”

Lala didn’t seem terribly impressed. “So why are you here?”

She chuckled good-naturedly. “Because someone from your world is in love with someone from mine. I was hoping we could have a meeting of the minds, perhaps.”

“…I do not rule this world.”

“But you know of them, do you? The people who keep all of our worlds safe from things like… whatever is in that river.”

“Yes. I have met them twice.” Lala was growing impatient with this “goddess.”

“I’ve ‘created’ one of these people. It’s a long and sordid tale I’d rather not explain, but long story short, I just wanted to know what your people are like. Seeing as Cupid is in a relationship with one of your kin, I deserve to know if it will work out between the two.”

“It might. It depends on them, does it not?”

Palutena looked back at the river. “Maybe. But perhaps the two of us could help them on the way? After all, after all this time, after all he’s been through, Cupid deserves to be happy. And tentacles do look good with him, from what I’ve heard,” she added with a laugh.

Lala sighed. “My task is done; I was merely here to see what the agents brought here.”

Palutena glanced at the thing in the river, and a thought occurred to her. “Hmmm, maybe you aren’t done just yet. You know, I have an idea.”

It seemed Kimihito would have to wait.

 

**********

 

When Stephanie woke up, she found herself back at the resort. She felt something strange on her chest…

She reached into her pocket and withdrew something she didn’t recognize.

And then the earlier events returned to her. “Cupid? CUPID!”

She rushed over to the rotenburo, where she found a brown-haired youth, a glass of Viking ale in his hand, attempting to seduce the oddest choice of a bathing partner. The large squirming ball of inky black tentacles next to him was holding up a crude apparatus fashioned from a mop, a yardstick, a pillow, and a magazine cover.

“I know, Steph, I’m sorry about what happened,” said Cupid. “But hey, we made it, and that’s what counts.”

“ _All thanks to you, Cupid-kun,_ ” he replied in his mock girly voice. “ _I’m so proud to have a boyfriend like you!_ ”

“As am I,” he replied, raising his glass in a toast. “Now, what are you waiting for? Gimme some lo—OW!”

The Writhing Mass had bopped him over the head with the prop, again.

Stephanie grinned and patted his head with a tentacle. ”Really? Again with the mop?”

Cupid shrieked, tossing the glass into the water by accident. Then he whirled and caught sight of his _real_ date, before bursting out laughing.

“Steph! You wasted a perfectly good glass of ale!!”

“Er… Cupid? Did you put this in my vest?” She held up the strange object. It looked like some kind of gauntlet, with red and gold armor plating along with glowing white katakana symbols spiraling around it.

Cupid gasped. “A Ninja Palm?! Where did you get it?!”

“It was in my pocket when I woke up… Do you want it? It’s too small for me, even with my rubber bones…”

“ _Are you kidding me?!”_ He snatched the Ninja Palm from her and cradled it in his hands, admiring its beauty. “This is one of the fastest weapons in my home continuum, _and_ its throwing knives have got a homing ability! I always wanted one of these things! Steph, thank you. Thank you so much!”

“I’m glad you like it…” She slipped into the water next to him, but when he looked around, he noticed that she had started turning blue again.

Cupid bore an expression of concern. “Huh? What’s wrong? I neuralyzed everybody and put everyone back in their home continua, including the OCs! All the damage from that fic has been undone.”

“It’s just… I was so _useless_ for most of this… I think it was a mission… the devices were too small, I’m too big, and when I thought I had completed the mission I was _horrified_ …”

“Why are you beating yourself up over it?” Cupid gave the Ninja Palm to the Writhing Mass for storage, and retrieved the now empty glass from it (the thing had fished it out from the bottom of the pool). “You saved my sacred buns back there. And for that, I can’t thank you enough.”

She smiled for a moment, but sniffled and started shaking.

He leaned in a little closer. “Steph? Are you _crying?_ ”

“I’m a failure of an assassin…” Tears filled her eyes. “Grandad was a fighter, I wanted to be like him but I can’t, how am I going to be any use to Chak… I don’t know, I don’t know if I’m good enough for you…”

Before she could continue further, however, Cupid had caught her in a tight embrace, and next thing she knew, he’d locked his lips against hers.

Stephanie turned white with surprise… but then her skin brightened, shining like polished gold.

Cupid disengaged from her for a moment, admiring her color, and getting the message right away that it was a color of pure amazement — and joy.

“You talk too much, Steph,” he chuckled, before he kissed her again.

 

#  **[END]**

**Author's Note:**

>  _A/N: *Gasping, panting, coughing, and general dying steel bird noises* Good_ GODS _, this fic was a pain! And we didn’t even get to the halfway point, either, there was just too much awfulness to address in one go. On top of that, Voyd’s Real Life scheduling problems also kept us from working together on multiple occasions. Regardless, kudos to him for joining me in forging through this whole thing! The entire intent of the mission was to explore what a relationship between our favorite lovebirds (or would Steph be a lovesquid? LOL) would entail on a mission, and I feel that it turned out surprisingly well. I suppose it’d be worth noting that I went out of my way to make Cupid not look like a pervert, since that exact concern has been bought up to me by some of my fellow Boarders and we wanted this pairing to revolve around genuine love and affection. We certainly hope we delivered!_
> 
>  _From what I’ve gathered, crossover fics with_ Monster Musume _have an odd habit of replacing Kimihito with the protagonist of a different continuum, which is…_ somewhat _understandable, I guess. Kimi seems to fall into the trap of harem anime protagonists being Canon Sues or something, and trying to swap him out with a character who’s more well-rounded seems like interesting plot material on paper. Unfortunately, in this particular case, Naruto seemed to be struggling to determine which personality he had, his own or that of Kimihito. On top of that, almost every chapter that was copied from one of the_ Monster Musume _chapters was basically plagiarized from the manga itself, with Naruto imitating Kimihito’s behavior almost shot-for-shot. Worse yet,_ they made Kurama a monster-girl! _That’s_ NOT _a wise move by any means, because one, Kurama is_ not _friendly at the point in time where Naruto apparently got transported to this universe, and two, Kurama is_ much _stronger than even the toughest monster girls in the MonMusu canon, and making him a liminal wouldn’t do justice to his true power. The other OCs were fine (and they got assimilated into the continuum, don’t worry!), and compared to Kurama-chan they were somewhat more tolerable, though I’m pretty sure their being included in Naruto’s harem sounded a tad forced. Still, Kurama-chan was a much bigger problem in the long run._
> 
>  _The latter part of this fic consisted largely of the_ Monster Musume _canons interacting with the residents of Konoha, but wading through it was a tedious, confusing endeavor. I decided to stop the fic before we could get to it because honestly, my knowledge of Naruto isn’t that great. I had to use Wikia and TV Tropes to help me out with some of the more specific charges, and as fond as I am of canon research I did_ not _want to have to browse through several frooglepoopilion Wikia pages to try and make sense of twenty or so chapters of monster girls romping around in Konoha. If anyone who’s better versed in Naruto can point out anything we got wrong in this mission, please let us know! We’ll be happy to fix it._
> 
>  
> 
> _With that, I think my smol angel son deserves a break from the spotlight for now, and maybe some quality time with his cuddlefish GF while we’re at it. Next time on the SkarmorySilver Show, find out what became of Cupid’s partners while he was gone in… “Girl’s Night Out!” :D_
> 
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> _—SkarmorySilver_
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> _Voyd’s A/N: Oh boy, Steph inherited my crippling self-doubt. Wonderful._
> 
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> 
> _In all seriousness, I’m glad I got to give Stephanie a chance to shine; her sweetness is rather integral to her personality. That, and I’d realized that Steph is probably one of the larger (if not largEST) human-shaped agents in the PPC, and most DoSAT tech is likely too small for her. And if you’re wondering what Chakkik’s getting up to, well… we have plans there, too. The 512 team is rather tied up with Skar’s characters; our next planned collaboration with that RC is between Chakkik, Rayner, an incinerator, and a bag of smoke._
> 
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> _No, I’m not gonna explain those last two. That’d ruin the surprise. =P_
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> _Peace! —Voyd_
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> 
> Rescued minis:
> 
>   * _Monster Musume_ (mini-Suus):
>     * Mia (adopted by SkarmorySilver)
>     * Sumike
>   * _Naruto_ (mini-Kuramas):
>     * Konaha (adopted by Voyd)
>     * Jaraiya
> 



End file.
